This blog entry is for anyone who identifies with being a secret sissy, hidden away. This isn’t about sex, it’s about self. It’s heavy, but it’s real. Some might even say it’s too long, but the people that connect to it will read every word, and those are the ones I’m writing for today.

Male appearance, female desires

I recently spoke to a life-long self-ascribed sissy that loves to dress up but has always kept it secret. No longer married and five decades old, he said he was frustrated with wanting to look like a woman but is feeling trapped because he lives in a small town.

For years, he did the marriage thing, the ‘responsibilities’ thing, and all the other things that were expected of him. It was expected that he be a good man for his family, so he was. He worked in a building of mostly-male employees, and he felt out of place every day. He had to wear manly clothes but his desires were female through and through. And while he listened to his co-workers talk about their plans for the big weekend (football, fishing, home-improvement, etc.), he knew that his weekend would be the same as it always was: whatever his wife wanted.

Oh, maybe she’d want to go shopping or run errands. Perhaps he would be dragged to a get-together with other couples where he would be expected to identify with other husbands while all of their wives clucked like hens about cake recipes and the like. What was especially awkward was when he learned they would be hosting friends at their home. He drew a blank when it came to relating to men like that.

No, my caller dreamed of a weekend where his wife would decide to leave town to visit others without him, so he could be home alone to play with his pretty clothes, lacy panties and wigs. He wanted so badly just to go out dressed like a woman, even just for a few minutes. That never really happened, but it was a fantasy. His girly clothes and other items were hidden in the garage with the Christmas things, and his wife wasn’t one to go ‘snooping’. Figuring that his secret sissy stash was secure, he had kept it there for years until she finally left.

Postponing ‘self’ for everyone else

My caller never got on hormones because he was waiting for the ‘right time’. It seemed like a selfish decision to make and quite inconvenient for everyone else. He worried about what people would say, what they would do if he made any type of sissy declarations. So he waited for the ‘right’ time. His household went through one change after another, and he supported everyone else while stamping down his own desires and passions. Soon, they were all grown but him. He felt ‘behind’ and unfulfilled, but he could not express it.

My sissy caller could not help but dream of beautiful clothes. He knew all the trends, secretly. Sometimes, he would drive to the next town over and pick up different items from a few boutiques in that town. A new slip and stockings here, a panty sale there. He was so excited to be fitted for his first bra and found breast forms later. He adored his new shape, and celebrated his new female form alone in a dressing room. No one to tell, no one to show but a sweet clerk that was so pleasant and helpful.

He was never cuckolded, not to his knowedge. He got through marital relations as best as he could. He had the equipment, but his heart wasn’t in it. He cared for his wife, he even loved her in his own way.  But one day, she officially addressed the years-old tension and decided she had had enough of a man that didn’t seem to be a husband. She was incorrect. He had never wanted to be a man.

Do you see yourself in this situation? Follow this blog in the next few days to see what I told him, and what I’m ultimately telling you, as well.