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Hello everyone.  I’m very excited at the chance to write for Mistress Amber’s blog.  Fittingly enough, this blog was inspired by one of Amber’s recent posts, ‘It’s Time to Make Time for Anal’.
The last paragraph talked about the difficulty some men have admitting they like anal play, and ended with “Nothing is in your way.  Give yourself permission.”  Those were very meaningful words for me, so I decided to build on them.
I’m typical I guess in many ways of LDW callers in that I have a “straight” lifestyle (meaning traditional, not the opposite of gay). Middle aged, successful professional, others at home.  I have a sex life, but it’s vanilla.
But for many years I knew there was something different in that I had very kinky sex thoughts.  For a long time, I had no outlet, but eventually I discovered light phone sex domination.  A few years ago I found LDW and I was elated, because here was a place I could play out my kinky woman-in-control fantasies with the best!
But then something happened.  Spending time here exposed me to things far beyond my CFNM/stroking/edging fantasies.  Wearing pantiesEating my cum.  Light CBT.  Sucking a mistress’ strap-on. Anal play.  Every time I would read about one of these I’d think “Oh no way,” then the thoughts would creep in “Oh, that might be fun”, and “Oh, what’s wrong with trying on a pair of panties….” and next thing you know, I had tried it.  And liked it.  Or loved it.
All well and good with wearing panties or eating cum — I mean let’s face it, silky, lacy panties feel so good on a sensitive cock and balls, and why shouldn’t I eat what women eat.  But liking sucking on a dildo or feeling one up my ass?  No way.  Not me.  Not who I am.
Yeah, I liked these things.  And I hated myself for it.  I made up all sorts of reasons in my mind to justify it — I was pleasing my mistress, I was a pervert, I was rebelling against straight sex because my partner wasn’t kinky. Anything but embracing the truth. And I was tortured.
It’s not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with any of it or that I feared being gay.  I could care less about that.
I just wasn’t supposed to like it.
But that was stupid.  And wrong.  Gradually, with the help of three wonderful and patient mistresses, I came to accept my kinkiness in myself.  So what if I enjoy the thought of a sexy woman with a strap-on fucking me, both emotionally and physically, and get on cam and put the dildo up there?  So what if I want to fantasize about jerking her boyfriend’s cock or sucking her strap-on with dildos?  So what if all those things and edging for a few days make me have the best damn orgasms in my whole fucking life!?  Isn’t that what it’s about?  Pleasure?
Everyone is kinky here and this place is here as an outlet for exploring.  It took me a very long time to realize that.  Yes, I’m kinkier than many, but not as kinky as many more.  My sexual interests are a part of who I am, but in no way define me.  I am so much happier and more relaxed now, and even my sex life at home has improved.  It’s all supposed to be fun, and it is.  Finally.
So my point is this — if you are like I was, don’t be.  You don’t have to try every kink in the world, but if you’re having trouble admitting you want to try or like something, there’s no need. It’s ok.  If you can’t do it yourself, reach out.  There are amazing mistresses here who thrive on helping men like us. They will help you have fun. Because it’s supposed to be fun.
Nothing is in your way.  Give yourself permission.