Love anal play but need to stay discreet with a dildo? I get it. Some of you don’t want people poking around your house and finding out you’re a filthy butthole pervert. Not to mention that no one wants an awkward airport confrontation when they scan your bag….even though later, so many of you horny business trippers call me wishing you had something for your ass-cavern. So what’s the answer? A produce dildo, of course!
A Produce Dildo: Easy To Get, Easy To Use
OK. There you are in another city, courtesy of your job. Late nights and free time is the perfect combo for business sluts to find me and play! You already know what you are, so plan ahead. Finding a supermarket is the easiest thing in the world. No one looks at you funny when you buy produce! Experienced butt pounders can grab a hearty zucchini or a firm cucumber. Timid amateurs can choose a thick carrot. Hell, you could even put a condom on a banana if you wanted to. The point is, no one in that checkout line will think you’re doing anything but grabbing an ingredient for a recipe or that maybe you just wanted a snack. Slick, right? That’s some top secret, covert crap right there.
Take your produce dildo home or back to the hotel, wash it and make sure it’s clean. If you’ve got some leaves or stem, clip it off and you’re ready. You can slide a condom on, (I actually recommend it!), and then it’s time for butt play. Talk about getting your vegetables in!
(I actually just had a guy on Skype use a zucchini during our CFNM session. He bounced like a bitch and it was just as good as an expensive dildo.)
When you’re all done, throw your produce away. Easy. Nothin’ to it. You pumped the hell out of your butt, shot a huge load and there’s nothing to hide or worry about. Tons of disposable fun for what, two dollars at most? A produce dildo is the way to go!
The only thing that beats jerkin yer gherkin is a piece of vegetation up yer ass. At least that’s how I think the quote goes. Whether it does or not, you’ve made a lot of good points. Plus we know there are plenty of guys out there who love to up the stroking ante by plugging those holes. All they need to do is relax and let Mistress guide their tawdry anal adventures.
Thats right, Miss Alexis…..I love seeing veggies shoved in their dark place! LOL
Produce is great. Ms. Amber! Cucumbers or even a yellow squash are perfect. Sometimes a banana is all our butt sluts have.Then my first question to them is…is it still green? In a pinch, an unripe one can work.
Oh, it would have to be a green banana, for sure. Once it gets softer, the ability to play with it gets more difficult.